Friendzone

Well, Valentine's Day is upon us, and love is in the air, at least that's what we hope. For those of you who are not familiar, Valentine's Day is our age old celebration of love. Word is, many years ago, some saint named St. Valentine began wedding couples in secret. Why in secret? Well here's a history bomb for you. At the time, the Roman Emporor (not Julius Caesar, some dude named Claudius II) passed a law ordering all his men to remain single, in an effort to boost his armies, since married men were supposedly less than adequate at being soldiers. Anyhoo, yeah, the guy was freakin' martyred for being a rebel.
Unfortunately, now, many decades later, this once sacred holiday has been turned into the celebration of tacky Valentines decorations, cheesy all red/pink gifts and lots of depressed single people who grow older and more alone with each passing moment. There are a few issues that I'd like to point out. Just little things that I've noticed over the years. First off, this is the day when some guys turn their wallets over to the women. I'm always disgusted by how much guys are expected to spend for girls on valentines day. I understand when the guy is super duper nice and wants to give a little special something to someone who makes him happy, but he does it because he's an awesomely nice person, not because social gender roles dictate that he is expected to do so. Speaking of gender roles, I'm always perplexed at this situation when girls ask to be treated as equals to men and yet they expect that all men be extra nice to them, carrying their shit and complimenting them insincerely. If we respect them and let them carry their own weight, they complain about how chivalry is dead. If we try to take care of them, they get mad and say that all men are sexist and mysoginistic. I just don't get it. So girls, make it a little easier for your special someone, be it guy or girl (that's right lesbians, I'm talking to you), and treat them like people, and show a little gratitude. It really goes a long way.....and no spouting any feminist bullcrap. That's just how spinsters live in denial.




This brings me to my next point. The Friendzone. The amazing phenomenon that astounds me till today. I myself have been in this situation for a little while so perhaps I should share my knowledge about this topic. Here's an example of The Friendzone Effect:
Guy is with his crush. Let's call her girl. Girl says some thing like "Oh why can't other guys belike you. You'd make a great boyfriend. Blah blah blah." So Guy takes this as his signal that he should make a move but then she says something like "I'm so lucky to have you as my friend. and just that"
This guy, has just been friendzoned. Some girls are notorious friendzoners, often keeping nice guys as backups in case they want the comfort of a boyfriend without committing so that they are open for something more exciting when and if it becomes available in the near future. Just so it's fair to them, these girls don't know any better. They tell themselves that the relationship is completely platonic and that Guy is just really THAT nice. So Girl takes Guy for granted and Guy leaves for something better. And they lived happily ever after.
For more information about The Friendzone, watch the episode 'Hooked' on How I Met Your Mother. It perfectly illustrates how this phenomenon occurs, with slightly different terminology. On the hook=Friendzoned.
So here's to wishing a Happy Valentines Day to the happy couples, the depressed single people with slowly lowering standards, Friendzoned Guys, Bitchlipped Girls, the naive ones who think they live in a Disney princess movie, the rich ones who can actually afford overpriced Valentines Day gifts and last but not least, the rest of us who live this holiday as they do any other day letting life just happen. After all, it's just another day.

Choy Sun, God of Prosperity

I suppose it may be a little late to post some stuff about chinese new year, so I'll just say that i enjoyed mine and wish you all a good one. However, there is just one thing that I need to get off my chest.

That is, as you've probably guessed, my burning grudge against a certain CNY Santa. For those of you just tuning in, Choy Sun is the God of Prosperity, a deity some people dress up as during chinese new year in shopping malls to spread good fortune to passers by. Sometime one year ago, Choy Sun gave me a terrible fortune cookie. Not that the fortune foretold my demise or anything, it was just of poor quality and wildly inaccurate. Now it seems, my old costumed nemesis has returned in the form of a newspaper advertisement, full page, welcoming clients who may need his services. Of course, this is the one and only costumed individual who needs to publicise his festive good mood. I don't remember cupid putting out a tv PSA on valentine's day, or even a tooth fairy hotline on dental care month. So, to Choy Sun if you're reading this, really?! And I want you to imagine me saying this with a look of condescending disbelief. Picture one eyebrow raised, giving the body language of "what were you thinking?"

Keep me marked and happy belated CNY.

If It Helps You Get By

Normal

Been down in the dumps
Hit lots of road bumps
You're beaten and battered and damned
Been hearing some rumours
But take it with good humour
Or the voice in your brain will be jammed
You're at an awkward stage
It's common for your age
Just don't go wishing and hoping in vain
Wishing for wealth and beauty
It get's better, you'll see
You take the good times with the pain
Had some bad days
Clouds won't go away
By the end you feel like a freak
Your body, your clothes
Your voice, and those
Giant round apple sized cheeks
Talk too much or too little
Everyone else is a riddle
You don't understand what's so wrong
Normal, that's what you want to be
But that's impossible can't you see
There's no point in hoping to belong
And what is normal anyway
We ask that question day by day
Yet not one person can find an answer
Don't trust TV, it's makeup and lies
Overloaded with photoshop and CGI
While Internet is just a messed up disaster
Who you are and where you want to go
That's an answer only you can know
Think hard and rely on none but you
Not your parents or friends or teachers
Not Oprah, Obama or Justin Bieber
So what's a confused person to do?
With so much to achieve
You can only just believe
Everyone else is screwed up too
Then maybe when you're old and enlightened
And maybe strong and less frightened
The world will be more screwed up than you
But for now take comfort in the fact
I'll say so with tact
That 'Normal' is fucked up, it's true.

On This Tightrope, I Hang By This Thread

My first medical interview comes this Sunday. Needless to say, I'm freaking out of my mind. My hands are trembling just typing this sentence. My parents just gave me the ultimatum. Straight A's or bust. Isn't that always the case. Straight A's for all main exams, no excuses, otherwise Medicine is off the table. My results for the AS exams comes in 2 and a half weeks. More freaking out. Then there's my meeting with my brother's friend. She's studying in IMU, and apparently, after 3 years in a medical university, it's become too much and she's considering dropping out. Her words of wisdom," Think twice".

I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope. Any second now, and I could fall. Sometimes, on my more bitter days, I wonder if people are just waiting to see me fail to say," I told you so" or to make me an example. One of those friend of a friend who failed to fulfill his dreams because he wasn't good enough. I can't imagine myself doing anything else and being happy. My family is trying to help. They think they will save me from a life of misery, exhaustion and monetary problems if they can convince me to go another path. A path that's much wider than a tightrope and definitely more stable. Yet, I still refuse and choose the tightrope. My family says I'm stubborn, but I really know I'll never be happy taking the easy way out. Despite their urging, or as my mother puts it, "You can't survive on sunshine and passion. You're just being stubborn and naive." My dad just constantly reminds me that I only have one chance. One chance and if I fail, they'll whisk me off to do whatever they want. At that point, happiness won't matter, passion dies, satisfaction falls to oblivion. To them, it's safer and maybe better to be a rich depressed engineer than an unstable, or worse, terrible doctor. Bah humbug. They say that a strong support system is needed to stay focused on medicine. Otherwise the next distraction will make you fail a major exam or something. I guess I have myself, and....Good enough.

I'll be honest. I'm scared. Scared out of my mind and I have to put on a brave face with all the certainty in the world when I tell my parents that my decision is made. It's no lie. I am not changing my mind. At least not right now. But uncertainty scares me. Failure scares me. I literally have nightmares of failing and having a mental breakdown and getting thrown into an asylum and having people spread rumours about me and attempting to escape by grabbing a fork as a weapon and tossing a guard through a window and getting lobotomized to keep me sedate and having the words 'told you so' written in my blood. That was morbid. Settling scares me. I'm scared because Medicine, competitive and focused as it is, EVERYTHING is uncertain and Failure is just around the corner looking for its next victim. And failure in medicine will lead to settling for some deadpan job. Yet still I walk on the tightrope. One chance. One chance on the tightrope.

Just thought that I'd do some therapeutic venting before I completely lose it. Keep me marked.

New Year

Hey guys, sorry for dropping off the radar. Computer's been on the fritz. After a very long series of phone calls that I'd rather not get into, long story shrt, my repair charges have dropped by rm100.

I'm also towards the end of the holidays. Altogether, the holidays of 2011, slightly less than exciting. Rather productive though, learned guitar, practised suturing and managed to cover 3 books in about 2 weeks. During this holiday, I've solved a problem that's plagued me since 2009 (Refer to The Pain In The Back Of The Right Side Of My Head). My migraines were apparently caused by a defect in my astigmatism. Now, with my lenses changed, I'm 100% migraine-free.

Also, if you noticed the previous post, I've jumped back into writing. If anyone is interested, please try to come up with a tune to fit the words, since I would love to hear it as a song. For any of my previous posts, really. Just comment with a youtube link or something.

That's it for now. Keep me marked.

Exaggerated Overly Strict Chinese Parents Rant

How Ungrateful

How ungrateful
So ungrateful
I regret the very day of your conception
This is disrespect
But what can I expect
The ultimate generational deception

It's not the Chinese way
Have you learned nothing in your life?
You owe us this much
My darling, it's such
How can you blame us for your strife

How ungrateful
It's distasteful
Next thing you'll be throwing us in a home
We wait to go senile
And all the sweet while
You'll spend our money going to Rome (Or someplace expensive like that!)

We fear the future
Who will care for us when we're old
We give you everything
Let the fat lady sing
Yet you don't do as you are told

How ungrateful
Every plateful
Of rice that I've fed you is a waste
This is such a shame
Are we to blame
Let's rectify all this with haste

No more books and music
No more seeing any of your friends
And if it's all the same
No computer games
Trust us, it's for your own good in the end (Now go study!)

Weekend

Last weekend I went to my cousin's house for dinner. As luck would have it, my family had a lot going on for it that week, extended or otherwise.

-My cousins from London came down for a visit
-One of those cousins brought with him his girlfriend and proposed during the trip. Basically during the entire dinner all the aunties were asking the fiancè to tell the story of how my cousin proposed.
-My grandfather met his idol in person, Lee Chong Wei. He also ended up having his photograph taken and was published in the newspaper the next day.
-My eldest cousin and her husband were to celebrate their anniversary.
-Another cousin and his wife are now expecting a child. No word on gender yet, but I'm rooting for a boy.
-My niece's birthday is coming up soon. 2nd year.
-Sometime after dessert, my brother gives my parents a call. He's coming down from Manchester for a visit during the Christmas break.
-Another cousin has just welcomed a dog to her family. Puppy. Toy poodle. Named Wiggle.
-My nephew, who LOVES animals, discovered that he was allergic to his dog the day before the dinner. Consequently, his puppy had to be given away.

Needless to say, it was...interesting. Can't wait till the regular family drama pops up again.

Guitar Hero

As some of you may know from my earlier posts, I've been considering taking up playing guitar for the past year or so. Well, the decision's been made. As of 2 weeks ago, I am now the owner of a tanglewood guitar. It's a funny story actually. I walked into the guitar store with a budget of rm300. 1 hour later, I walked out with a guitar worth rm1300. The store owner was REALLY good. Anyhoo, thank god my dad has a sensitive ear for this sort of thing. I'm taking lessons over the holidays now. Frankly, if I'd been asked 3 years ago, I would've said no to the entire idea of learning anything musically related. Now, I'm doing this. I'm part of it now.

Pyramid

Highlights, Day One:

Pasta Zanmai. Filling, but not amazing. Good price though.
Bowling. White Fury beats Super Genius.
Bert's super bowling style.
The amazing bowling malays.
Karaoke reception. Sitting on huge black and red balls.
Actual karaoke. Stuck singing alone without lyrics. Forever alone face*
The extremely long list of chinese songs.

Highlights, Day Two:

Carl's Jr. Taste-wise, amazing, filling, fast. It burned a hole in my pocket though.
Breaking Dawn. Turned a tween romance thriller into absolute comedy with Nadia.
All of us were absolutely horny with comedy.
Kenny's present.
Jay Yen's awkward hugs.
Phaik's amazing go kart story.
Nadia and I started holding hands, sort of. It was awkward.
Eric's Deal or No Deal decision.

Sunway Pyramid, twice in 2 consecutive days. Damn.

The Devil's Advocate Receives No Sympathy

Debaters. We're trained to view every matter as more than one side. We see gray where others see black and white. It's not always easy, especially when living in a conservative family from a conservative country with conservative traditions and a strong sense of importance in conservatism. To many, conservatism, censorship, these are the things that keep us safe, the walls that protect us are the same walls that keep us captive.

I don't expect everyone to see every point of view. That's beyond the ability of our mere mortal minds. What isn't though, is the courtesy to allow others to have their own point of view. I'm not strictly pro or con anything, if anything, I'd say I'm rather apathetic. My reasoning is that if you're not allowed to voice your opinions and be safe at the same time, when you choose survival over freedom, indifference is a key skill. Still, we keep our opinions to ourselves, it doesn't mean we stop having our own opinions altogether. We have a choice. Safety or Freedom.

My family often says, "You shouldn't have ever joined debate. Now your head's all screwed up." I let a lot of things slide. I don't mind eating the same thing for lunch everyday, because it's easy to cook. I don't mind not getting to choose my cake on my birthday, I don't mind that the dents in my car haven't been fixed in months despite my near perfect record since, I don't mind that I can't have a dog and can never admit that I do want one. I draw a line when my opinions, when I finally say something that needed to be said, become put down instead. When people start behaving as if my opinions are the most illogical things ever recorded in history. I receive this treatment a lot. Often in snide comments on my lack of common sense or the sheer hopelessness I have wrought on everyone's lives.

I understand why people do this. Prejudice, pr-econceived notions, assumptions, ignorance, rigid mindsets. I get it, I do. Still, we've all heard the old sayings. Don't judge a book by its cover. Look before you leap. Everyone has an opinion, doesn't mean they're wrong. Yet the words are often neglected, as with most lessons we learned in history I suppose. I cannot stress enough how tired I am the the same old scenario. Someone says something. I disagree. Vice versa. Before I can finish a sentence of my reasoning, someone gets emotional, as if my disagreement had done them great dishonor. Before I know it, The situation has become a one-sided shouting match and I still haven't been given a chance to say more than 2 sentences 30 minutes later. All I can do is defuse the situation. Nine times out of ten, the fastest way to do this is by admitting an insincere defeat. It's tiring, I admit, but It's better in the long run for the relationship. Isn't it? That's what I tell myself, anyway. It takes up so much mental energy, just because it happens so frequently and because I have to put it aside without letting it affect me emotionally. Right now, I'm tired. So so very tired.

When it becomes too much. When it can't just be held in. When silence becomes a throat-tightening vice. What happens then? Safety or Freedom.